I have been thinking lately about that word fight! By fight I do not mean to create a picture of two boxers in a ring or two gangs in a field, I’m not thinking of any of the many wars that plague our world. No I am speaking of that quality that enables individuals to face the most traumatic and difficult of circumstances and find the resolve and determination to keep going, to not give up. I was talking to an older woman recently, this woman we shall call her Rose was a woman that lost her mother before she reached the age of two. Despite this loss, her primary years were idyllic. The rest of her childhood however could only be described as abusive and in my opinion the rest of her life hard.
Her story however, was not that different from many other working class people of her generation, they scrimped and scrapped in less than perfect marriages to feed and clothe their children. Without much of a thought Rose sold the precious gifts from around the world that had been given to her by her sailor father. Sold in order to buy much needed items or even just to take her children to the fair so that they would not realise their poverty and would feel equal to their peers but mostly just so that they could enjoy and experience the fun of the fair.
My point is, she never complained or felt that life was too hard, she just kept going. Apparently one of the biggest challenges we now face in the UK is that we all believe we have the right to self-actualise (we all want to see our dreams come to pass and feel fulfilled in the work and things we do). The researchers who always love to bring us good news have stated that we are experiencing midlife crisis’s earlier and this they say is due to the fact that people are making it to the top of their professions at a younger age. The average age of a chief executive has apparently gone down from 58 to 49 in one generation. Some argue that these young successes may have peaked too early. With such early success they argue comes that feeling of what next, there has to be more to life and the hard realisation that money and success has not culminated in real fulfilment or happiness. The crisis also begins and for those who are still struggling in the rat race and have not yet achieved their ambitions, there is an earlier sense of failure and running out of time as they compare themselves to university friends who fit into the first category.
It was Relate who conducted this research and proceeded to tell us how it is the 30 and 40 something’s who are the most unhappy in today’s society. The pressures that come with over achievement, under achievement, sagging bodies, hard relationships and screaming children appear to be taking their toll.
I am a dreamer, quite ambitious, I believed the world was my oyster from a very young age and saw no reason why I could not achieve all of my dreams. I set my expectations high. Interestingly at the times when things have not gone to plan and failure has become my experience the feeling I found most difficult to handle was the disappointment.
Is it better to have loved and lost than not loved at all? This saying applies to so many aspects of life. Is it better to have tried and failed than not to have tried at all?
Oh there have been times when I have truly questioned this but YES, YES, YES! I have always believed in opening my heart to people, to opportunities, to life. This has inevitably resulted in failure, disappointment and even what feels like debilitating pain at times but it has also set me up for some of my most invigorating experiences and wonderful memories.
I guess I was so interested in this gloomy news because I am in the age category of which they are talking and though I do have my bad days, occasionally weeks in the main I would say that life is good and I am very blessed. Yes a little more of that paper stuff that buys things could lessen the strain and add to a greater sense of enjoyment but all in all things are good.
I suspect that the notion that my generation of 30 and 40 something’s are more unhappy than their predecessors might be a bit of a myth. I think when we look back it will be much like looking back on our teenage years. Most of us would not want to live them again but they were an adventure. Rose the woman form the beginning of this piece, when she looks back on her life, yes she has faced some difficult circumstances but what I love is that she also has so many fun and good stories to tell too. She has had her own adventures and tears of laughter often start to flow as she re-tells a story from the catalogue of her past. Whether it is about her experiences as a 60’s young woman, or parenthood or growing older, Rose has lived, she has shared life with others along the way and made memories that make others smile too. So what gave Rose the resilience to keep going? was it those good time that ensured she never gave up. I have learnt that a little time spent reflecting often reveals that there are more good times than bad, that we have achieved more than we realised and that there is more going for us than against us.
If more people in this generation believe we have the right to self-actualise, then I say good, this to me is progress. It means we are opening ourselves up to more opportunities and living life to the full.
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